Doctor...Doctor...!!!
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>
> I Like this Doctor! Hope you do too?
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>
> Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life.
> Is this true?
> A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't
> waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up
> your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can
> extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live
> longer? Take a nap.
> Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
> A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay
> and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more
> than an efficient Mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.
> Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass
> (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your
> recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
> Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
> A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,
> That means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even > more
> of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
> Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
> A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to > one.
> If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
> Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
> exercise program?
> A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No > Pain...Good!
> Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
> A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in
> vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting
> more vegetables be bad for you?
> Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around > the middle?
> A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You
> should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
> Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
> A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans ! Another vegetable!!! It's the
> best feel-good food around!
> Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
> A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
> Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
> A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape! Well, I hope this has cleared up any
> misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
> And remember:
> 'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention
> Of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body,
> But rather to skid in sideways -
> Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other -
> Body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and
> Screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'
> AND.....
> For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on
> nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all
> those conflicting nutritional studies.
> 1. The Japanese eat very little fat
> And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
> 2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
> And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
> 3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
> And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
> 4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
> And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
> 5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats
> And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
>
> CONCLUSION
> Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what > kills you.
>
> Cheers!
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